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Seven.

I'm not one to shy from expressing how/what I am feeling. Heck, I have an open blog for all of your eyes to read! So it should come as no surprise that I take to writing here to... express myself for a few moments. Seven. A number I have rarely said. But yes, I am one of seven. Woah, shocker to those just tuning in. If you've been around for awhile you know my "secret", if not... welcome to the party. I am one of seven. Yes, I have 5 younger sisters and a baby brother. Wrap your brains around that. Somewhere in my past lies a divorce that I don't mention because it doesn't really matter. With that said if you want to be technical I am an only child. But lets be honest, I'm not. So yeah, seven.

Why mention that? Well, the rest of this post didn't seem right unless I did. Let's get down to the good stuff. Have 6 other siblings, only talk to 4 (count CJ in there because... well just because). Why not the others, well in a short and sweet sentence because otherwise we will be here all night... Seven years ago shit hit the fan. Basically a couple nights of police at the house and a few court dates lead to an order of protection (OP) against the other half of my biological makeup. Obviously not referring to my Mom here. While the OP was against one person... away went everyone else too. Not my choice, its just what happened. So here we are, seven years later and that's why I don't use my last name unless it's necessary.

At first not talking to family bothered me. I felt like I was missing out on a lot. I have many cousins who are much younger than I and I was pretty close with my aunts. It hurt to not have that contact. If you think that hurt remember that I had 2 sisters (at the time there was only two, I later found out about the third) who I also lost contact with. It sucked. I, only a teenager at the time, reached out (like the adult in the situation) and for a little bit of time it was okay. Until it backfired hard on me. There was no way for me to have a relationship with family and nothing get back to ***** (< insert name here). It wasn't a matter of me not wanting said person to know things, it was a matter of safety. So down the drain that went. Now, yeah it sucks. Yes I know I have more family out there but honestly... if they wanted anything to do with me wouldn't THEY have reached out to me? Wouldn't they be trying? Now to be fair, in light of recent events I have had some contact with my other sisters. But that's touch and go. 

So what's the point of all this? Tonight I went out with my family to enjoy a movie. To my surprise a few people ahead of us in line I was related to. Do you have any idea how uncomfortable it is to see.. let's say an aunt and cousin but not be able to say hi? Awkward. We were in different theaters so I thought the coast was clear. Wrong. Do you know uncomfortable it is to come out of a bathroom stall and feel like you are being watched? By no means was I hiding, but I kept my head down only to realize cousins also standing at the sink. Let me tell you I have never been looked up and down so hard, only to receive a glare. Ouch.

But here's what I have to remind myself..... Most people only know one side of the story... unfortunately, its not my side. I'm sure I've been made out to be a mega bitch. And that's what really hurts more than anything. The fact that only one side of the story has been shared and because of that I have lost family. Not friends, family. Seven years later and I have graduated high school, played 3 seasons in a college jersey, gone to prom, made school history at two different schools among other things. All of this has been missed out on because of one side of a story. Sure I've missed things too, but seven years ago I was a kid in the situation not an adult. 

Here's what I leave you with tonight. There are two sides to every story and somewhere in the middle usually lies the truth. To believe only one side is a fools mistake. It will bite you in the ass. It will cost you a grandchild, a niece, a nephew, a cousin. If you have estranged family out there, I hope it's for a good reason. Not that there is a "good" reason but you know what I mean. Otherwise, do yourself the favor and connect with them before you regret it later. Life is too short, people. Way too short to be so damn complicated. When you're listening to the other half of the story.... #doitforCJ.

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